Vol. XII: On the Thinness of Life
Welcome to the love club, a newsletter about writing, lifestyle, art, and all the thoughts in between. Thank you very much for being here.
‘I wanted very much not to be where I was. In fact part of the trouble seemed to be that where I was wasn’t anywhere at all. My life felt empty and unreal and I was embarrassed about its thinness, the way one might be embarrassed about wearing a stained or threadbare piece of clothing’
-Olivia Laing, The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone
Since turning 23, the above words have floated in and out of my mind like clouds across the sky, impeding the flow of sunlight and rational thinking. I have been thinking about my life a lot lately, probably a lot more than I should be. I’ve been thinking about where I am, where I thought I would be by now. And when I consider my life, I can’t help but to view it with a film of embarrassment and smallness cast over it.
I’m 23, still living in the place I’ve always lived, nowhere near the career path I want to be on, feeling stuck, restless, and bored. My accomplishments seem minuscule compared to what my friends and other 23 year olds worldwide are achieving. Whenever someone asks me what I’ve been up to lately, I literally cringe because I know I have nothing particularly novel or interesting to say. And since I turned 23, I feel conscious of how quickly the time is passing. I don’t necessarily feel old, it’s more this alarming awareness that I’ll never be this young again, and what is it that I’m doing with all this youth? Nothing.
But here’s the thing - I know rationally that this isn’t true! I do the things I’m passionate about, like creative writing and journalism. I’ve had two articles and a poem published in the last month alone. I have a great group of friends who I make amazing memories with, I have travel plans, I’m doing the things I can. And yet. It still feels like it’s not enough compared to everyone else.
Social media is excellent at making it seem like everyone is having more fun than you, accomplishing more, and generally doing life better than you. But social media isn’t real. Let me tell you something that is real. In the last ten years, the number of 20-25 year olds in the UK living with their parents has risen by almost 15%. The Prince’s Trust found that only 7% of young people say that they’re currently in their dream job. Most of us don’t have plans that go beyond the next six months, most of us can’t afford to travel for months on end, most of us have not got life figured out at 23.
Even though I know all of this, insecurity and unfulfillment does still creep in. I don’t want to reject or suppress these feelings, rather I’d like to re-route them into motivation to grow, expand my life, and utilise my time better. This doesn’t mean booking a one-way flight to Bali to find myself but instead continuing to be disciplined, writing more regularly, saying yes to things that scare me, being willing to take a different path to get to where I want to be.
There are, undoubtedly, obstacles in place that can push us further away from the lives we want to lead. For some people it’s money, for others it’s health, caring for others, systemic barriers, the list is endless. I have my own obstacles to contend with, as I’m sure you do too. And while it can be difficult to accept these things sometimes and retain hope for the future, I’d like to leave you (and myself) with this final note. Life can be short, but it can also be long. We may have 60, 70, 80, (maybe even more) years on this Earth, in which our lives continually evolve and dreams can come to fruition. Make the most of the moment, but don’t be disheartened if this current moment doesn’t look like what you thought it would. There’s time for it still.
Imagine if all your dreams came true at 23. Where would you go then?
love stories by the love club
Welcome to love stories by the love club. This segment of the newsletter is driven by our community, who have shared their love stories in written, illustrated, or photographic format. Love stories by the love club intends to remind us all of the myriad ways that love presents itself in our lives. Hope you enjoy.
‘Scattered pieces’
By Zarin
We are always looking for people in the love club community to contribute to our love stories! Whether you’re a writer, artist, or photographer - if you have a story about love, we want to hear it!
For more information, contact the love club via Instagram or email us at: theloveclubnewsletter@outlook.com
A few recommendations…
Articles
The Power of Poetry: How Palestinian Poets Have Guided the Resistance, Mohsina Alam (!) for Amaliah
Coffee Conundrums: Prohibition and Revival in Early Modern Times, Hussein Bachacha for Kahf
The horror of being perceived and why you hate photos of yourself, Eve Upton-Clark for Dazed
On Screen
American Fiction - This film was a really interesting exploration into what the ‘black experience’ is, and what it means to tell ‘black stories’. It was beautifully shot, smart, funny, and very thought-provoking. Plus, anything featuring Sterling K. Brown is an immediate yes for me
Namesake - This film tells the story of an immigrant couple and their American born children, navigating their way through life in the States whilst holding onto their cultural identities and tie to their homeland in West Bengal. Everything about this film was stunning, from the colour grading (the pops of red were so dreamy and reminiscent of my own childhood) to the nostalgic score to the subtle romance peppered in throughout. I finished the film with a distinct appreciation for my own ‘dak nam’ and a warm ache for my grandmothers.
Challengers - This is THE movie of the summer. Challengers is intense, fun, passionate - all the ways that sports (and deeply complicated relationships) should be depicted. Zendaya was excellent, but Mike Faist and Josh O’Connor were definitely the stars. Their chemistry as both best friends and rivals is so strong and so magnetic to watch, I kept feeling like I was interrupting something when I was watching them. If you can see it in the cinema I would HIGHLY recommend doing so
Books
Heartburn - I love Nora Ephron and all that she did, so it was no surprise to me that I loved this book. Based on Ephron’s own experiences, Heartburn depicts the breakdown of a marriage after the protagonist’s husband cheats on her. In spite of the sadness of it all, Heartburn is funny and silly and uplifting. I loved that the protagonist navigated her heartbreak through food and cooking - for me, taste is the most evocative of senses, so I find it a really powerful means of exploring emotion. It’s a quick read too, so would be perfect for any upcoming beach days or holidays
Notes on an execution - This book tells the story of a serial killer on death row, from the perspective of the women whose lives he impacted (spoiler alert - not the women he murdered). I thought this was such a unique way to tell a murder story, and, albeit not perfectly, goes some way in prioritising the voices of victims. There were so many thoughts and ideas presented that I found really interesting, such as navigating personal survival against motherhood and the presence of darkness within us. Another one that you’ll get through pretty quickly as it’s so gripping
That’s all from me for now, thank you again for reading. Speak to you soon.
All the best,
Mohsina x
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